Thursday, October 14, 2010

My Sister



Nicole Marie Robinson- August 28 1979- July 11, 2010
We love you soooo much and cherish the memory of you till we see you again!

So I have avoided blogging about the 900 lb gorilla in the room, for a list of about 100 reasons. But I finally have a minute and a clear head, and since this is my public journal it is time.
My sister passed away on July 11, 2010. She left behind her 3 1/2 year old daughter Kellene and her husband Nate and of course us her family, extended family, and friends.
Rich and I were in Oregon at the time and I was sitting in church when I got a couple of phone calls, so I decided to run out and check and make sure everything was ok. My parents had the smarts about them to make me go back in and get Rich so he could be there when they told me the bad news, which was torture, because I knew it had to be bad. I was newly pregnant and sick and I think that they were afraid I would pass out or something. This is the type of news that you never want to hear at this age in your life, but I think a certain angel was holding me up as I processed the news and I was able to have a clear mind and a complete sense of peace. I was indeed grateful to have my husband at my side to for comfort and support. As Rich went back inside to get the keys to drive me home, I sat down on the curb and put my head in my hands and said a little prayer, and at that moment I felt in my heart and knew without a doubt, that she was okay and in a better place for her at this time in her life.
I can not be more grateful for my Father in Heaven and for righteous parents that raised me with such a true knowledge of where we came from, why we are here, and where we go after we die. That we truly can be an eternal family and this trial is but a moment and we will be able to see her again.
Miracles surrounded all of us during the following weeks(and still continue) and as we attended to the needs of the funerals and handled grief and mourning. We were able to go in and dress her body as an entire family and kneel around her for one last entire family prayer in this life. How sweet and sacred that experience was! We survived 2 funerals and were still standing afterwards.We were able to comfort each other and hold each other up through our sadness. We were able to say see you later and not good bye to her, knowing she will be with us again. I know for a fact that the strength we received was Heaven sent and not of our own accord! Friends and family were there to lift us up and carry us on in the hard moments and the lessons I learned and truths that were sealed more fervently in my heart will always be treasured! Thank you to everyone for those blessings! Thank you for the sweet stories you told us about her, the cards, food, money, flowers, and support and love!
My sister and I were 22 months apart and couldn't have been more different if we tried!:) She was country, I was R&B. She was t-shirt and jeans and I am sparkles and frills! She was an adrenal junky and I am a little more cautious. Her favorite color was blue and mine is pink. She is fair skinned and I am olive, she loves sugar and I love salt:)The list goes on and on.... But for some reason we chose each other and were put into the same family as sisters for a reason. We played well when we were little, fought like cats and dogs in the middle years, and came to a tolerance, love and respect in our recent years. I have always loved her and admired her spunk, and she has always owned a tender part in my heart.
Nikki's life was not exactly hard but she struggled more than the average bear. Her school years were tough and she suffered socially and longed for a place to fit in. She liked to make her own mistakes to learn from instead of learning from others mistakes, which I think is 1/2 of the world;) She was the most loyal and caring friend you could ever have. She would never judge and would love you unconditionally no matter what. She was forever kind to anyone she met and loved to strike up conversation with strangers and learn about people. She loved the outdoors, skiing, snowboarding, mountain biking, hiking, camping, canoeing, sky diving, quad riding, and so on. And she did all of those things very well. Ever since she was little we always said that she had the most amazing ability to know where she was at while in the air!! Random, but she always smelled so good. I remember walking in to her bedroom growing up and it had the sweetest smell as did she. She loved animals, dogs, riding horses, and was always kind and tender to them. She had a special place in her heart for the mountains, country music, Montana, Garth Brooks, Dodge trucks, and dirt bikes/motorcycles. She loved children and they always loved her. She was one of those that had a special touch with them and they always responded well to her. She was so handy and could fix almost anything!She was very intelligent and would shock me with her knowledge of things constantly. She loved her family and we love her! She loved her sweet daughter so much and the last four years of her life she was her greatest joy. She waited a while to become a mom and when she was blessed with Kellene, she cherished her beyond belief. She loved her sweet husband and I'll never forget when she met him and how her countenance and whole being would light up when she talked about him or was around him! She was such a soft hearted and kind soul who loved with all she had and she will be sooo missed!
I used to think that death would be the hardest thing that you could ever go through and I was terrified of it. I was blessed with an experience about six weeks before this happened that pierced my soul! The lesson I learned was that death is not the scariest thing in this life. Losing my testimony of the truthfulness of the Gospel is! With out it everything is hard, and with it anything in manageable! It hit me while sitting in church one Sunday, and after, I kept having the impression to write down that experience, which thankfully I listened to. I can not express how grateful I was to have been prepared and know that no matter what life throws at us we can get through it with the Saviors help. Death is hard and what is left behind is sad, but the strength we gain and the perspectives learned are so precious to us as a family. And we know that all can be healed and all can be restored through obedience to the Lord's commandments. What a sweet and precious knowledge that is, and I am eternally grateful for it!

12 comments:

Greg and Tammy said...

Thanks for the beautiful post Julie. We're heading to Oregon tomorrow and wish you guys could come!

Stefany Pew said...

Wow Julie! You said everything perfectly and I can feel the spirit radiating through my computer as I read your sweet words. Nikki is missed by everyone who knew her. My prayers have been with your family and will continue to be! We love the Bangarts and I'm so thankful for our ward family and that we will always be close no matter where life takes us. Your family is truly amazing!

THE BANGARTS said...

I love this amazing family I married into.
The greatest thing to know for a certainty now is that the Lord will never leave us comfortless. What an amazing gift from our Heavenly Father.
Love you Jules. I'm counting down the days until we move back. 8 months!!!
You're the best.

Jill said...

I am so glad you posted this. Your testimony is a lovely thing to read. thank you for offering this and allowing people to feel the Spirit, especially me. :)

xo

Cathy said...

That was beautiful Julie. Thanks for sharing and reminding me of what is most important.

Emz said...

Thank you for sharing this.

You are so amazing Julie. So strong. I loved reading your testimony.

You amaze me constantly.

Mands Glenn said...

I loved this. THanks for sharing Jewels. YOu are one strong Woman who has such a neat, strong testimony. Love you!

Rob and Kimmie said...

I really got goose bumps reading your testimony! You are such an AMAZING example and strength to all of us!

Matt & Beth said...

What a great feeling I get as I read your feelings about Nikki and the gospel. You inspire me and have taught me a lot. Thank you for sharing your tender feelings.

T. said...

Julie Thanks for sharing. This journaling is not only important for you but I was just thinking of their little girl. What a touching and wonderful memory of her mother! Thanks We love you. Tricia

Marilyn said...

What a lovely testimonial of your sister. Your thoughts will help us all to remember what is important in life. You are so special. Thank you for marrying our son. Love Mom and Dad Newell

glen, paige, & baby preston said...

Oh Jules. You will be so glad you have this written down. You typed it out perfectly. We really are so lucky to have the gospel. Love you!